Why I Hate Driving In Sl

[Elvis_Pil]

Got this in the mail

This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,

Netherlands

Driving in Sri Lanka

============

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka

and daring to drive on SL roads, I am offering a few hints for

survival. They are applicable to every place in SL except in the

North , where life

outside a vehicle is only marginally safer..

Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma

where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance

company.

The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the

road? The answer is 'both'. Basically you start on the left of

the road, unless

it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is

also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap,

as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the

direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much

misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but

just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a

belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better

position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants

to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped

in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross

only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop

because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to

wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries.

We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare

lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the

middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove

compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while

awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the

rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground

drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking

coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is

an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These

pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the

Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision

between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle

works on an external

combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and

creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas

cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at

an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations,

children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until

some children in the periphery are not in contact with the

vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the

microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other

vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the

peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn

Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers

follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are

licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise

like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol

and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are

too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the

middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier

vehicles instead of around them and are often 'mopped' off the

tarmac.

LeaningTowerof Passes : Most bus passengers are given free

passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are

passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the

railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws

of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get

paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no

questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width

of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add

jest in their otherwise drab lives.. Don't stick to the literal

meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it

means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive

as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.

Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by

providing a 'speed breaker'; two for each house. This mound,

incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that

residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the

corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for

year-end accounting.

Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating

experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In

a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not

know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature

dawn on the horizon turns out to be

a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull

partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon

passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not

blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in

the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack

(alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral

functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are

the James Bonds of Sri Lanka, and are licensed to kill.

Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six

feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck

approaching you With a single light on, usually the left one. It

could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.

You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs

at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more

visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And

you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).

Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to

the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is

definitely not to Be construed as a signal for a left turn. The

waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka, have

your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone

home and – The citizen is Then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF

SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.

________________________________

[MasterDon]

Got this in the mail

This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,

Netherlands

Driving in Sri Lanka

============

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking

coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is

an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These

pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the

Almighty, often meeting with success.

________________________________

who does this guy thinks we are?....indians?

anyway i do not like it when foreighners critisize us,specially people who come from the so called rich countries...we do have our faults...but if sri lanka is such a death-trap don't come here.

[Pericles]

Got this in the mail

This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,

Netherlands

Driving in Sri Lanka

============

________________________________

Saw that on a blog recently.

[Pericles]

http://cerno.wordpress.com/2008/04/22/colo...oloured-lights/

http://cerno.wordpress.com/2008/05/19/colombo-night-drive/

http://cerno.wordpress.com/2008/04/02/driv...mbo-part-00001/

[JadeyBlitzen]

Ideal. But aren't offset wheels are bad for the axle and suspension. If not I'm definitely gonna go for them.

i'm going through a phase of sudden enlightenment

Edited February 5, 2009 by JadeyBlitzen

[Rastima]

This guy should go to Hyderabad or Chennai to see how the indians drive their vehicles. Believe me..No Side mirrors at all, No signals, No Pedestrian Crossing marks.. nothing at all.

Hardly you see side mirrors in vehicles, even if they have, it just turned closed. Bikes, No Helmets, No Signal lights and No Mirrors, they think they drive some sort of a Jet.

I dont think Sri lanka is that bad.

Peri > Do you know this guy?

[Pericles]

This guy should go to Hyderabad or Chennai to see how the indians drive their vehicles. Believe me..No Side mirrors at all, No signals, No Pedestrian Crossing marks.. nothing at all.

Hardly you see side mirrors in vehicles, even if they have, it just turned closed. Bikes, No Helmets, No Signal lights and No Mirrors, they think they drive some sort of a Jet.

I dont think Sri lanka is that bad.

Peri > Do you know this guy?

Nope. Just been following the blog since it appeared on AL some time ago.

[Devinda_Z]

This guy should go to Hyderabad or Chennai to see how the indians drive their vehicles. Believe me..No Side mirrors at all, No signals, No Pedestrian Crossing marks.. nothing at all.

Hardly you see side mirrors in vehicles, even if they have, it just turned closed. Bikes, No Helmets, No Signal lights and No Mirrors, they think they drive some sort of a Jet.

I dont think Sri lanka is that bad.

Peri > Do you know this guy?

Bangalore in not much better..

in India its the general lack of concern for road rules altogether by parties on the road , cattle & all - utter anarchy

[MasterDon]

This guy should go to Hyderabad or Chennai to see how the indians drive their vehicles. Believe me..No Side mirrors at all, No signals, No Pedestrian Crossing marks.. nothing at all.

video of jeremy clarkson participating in a rally in chennai,india....with a blind navigator!

[Rastima]

video of jeremy clarkson participating in a rally in chennai,india....with a blind navigator!

Here are some more stuff... We are not this bad at all.

Lets ask the same guys to read this... This clearly says how people drive in different states in INIDA.

http://www.indiandrivingschools.com/articl...ndia-crazy.html

One hand on horn,

One hand greeting,

One ear on cell-phone,

One ear listening to loud music,

Foot on accelerator, Eyes on female pedestrians,

Conversation with someone in next car-"Welcome to India!!!"

-A joke on driving in India in a Web site.

[Ripper]

Got this in the mail

This hilarious article was written by a Dutchman from Baan ,

Netherlands

Driving in Sri Lanka

============

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting Sri Lanka

and daring to drive on SL roads, I am offering a few hints for

survival. They are applicable to every place in SL except in the

North , where life

outside a vehicle is only marginally safer..

Sri Lankan road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma

where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance

company.

The hints are as follows: Do we drive on the left or right of the

road? The answer is 'both'. Basically you start on the left of

the road, unless

it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is

also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap,

as in chess. Simply trust your instincts, ascertain the

direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much

misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but

just aim their vehicles in the generally intended direction.

Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a

belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better

position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants

to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped

in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross

only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop

because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to

wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries.

We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare

lust (two brisk blasts), or just mobilize a dozing cow in the

middle of the bazaar. Keep informative books in the glove

compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while

awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the

rainwater to recede when over ground traffic meets underground

drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking

coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is

an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These

pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the

Almighty, often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi / Tuck-tuck): The result of a collision

between a rickshaw and an automobile. This three-wheeled vehicle

works on an external

combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and

creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas

cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at

an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations,

children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until

some children in the periphery are not in contact with the

vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the

microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other

vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the

peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn

Newton's laws of motion enroute to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers

follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are

licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise

like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol

and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are

too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the

middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier

vehicles instead of around them and are often 'mopped' off the

tarmac.

LeaningTowerof Passes : Most bus passengers are given free

passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are

passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the

railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws

of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get

paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no

questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width

of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add

jest in their otherwise drab lives.. Don't stick to the literal

meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it

means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive

as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type.

Lest I sound hypercritical, I must add a positive point also.

Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by

providing a 'speed breaker'; two for each house. This mound,

incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that

residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the

corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for

year-end accounting.

Night driving on Sri Lankan roads can be an exhilarating

experience for those with the mental make up of Genghis Khan. In

a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not

know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature

dawn on the horizon turns out to be

a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull

partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon

passes.

Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not

blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in

the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack

(alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral

functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are

the James Bonds of Sri Lanka, and are licensed to kill.

Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six

feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck

approaching you With a single light on, usually the left one. It

could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.

You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs

at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more

visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And

you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat).

Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to

the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically. This is

definitely not to Be construed as a signal for a left turn. The

waving is just an statement of physical relief on a hot day.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in Sri Lanka, have

your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone

home and – The citizen is Then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF

SPEED' enshrined in the constitution.

________________________________

ha ha ha

bloody hillarious...

neat piece of writing and though it sounds a bit harsh... do agree with the guy :)

I'd say majority of drivers behave like complete morons...

True yindians are much worse... but we too have our donkeys behind wheels :)

[MSP0RT5]

ha ha ha

bloody hillarious...

neat piece of writing and though it sounds a bit harsh... do agree with the guy :)

I'd say majority of drivers behave like complete morons...

True yindians are much worse... but we too have our donkeys behind wheels :)

Have to agree, funny bit of writing - u have to laugh about it, coz it's either that or get annoyed/angry/road rage, and that just leads no where or has dire consequences for everyone. I keep telling everyone in Aus who complain about the SL roads - there is a system, and you go with the flow, and getting mad/annoyed is the worst thing you can do... coz really no one else cares

It takes me about 3-4 days just to get my mind adapted to the SL roads, but after that I'm fine! It's becoming worse in Melbourne.. with a couple of guys around our neck of the woods (south eastern suburbs) having had guns pulled on them for not getting out of the way when driving at the speed limit!

[Ripper]

Have to agree, funny bit of writing - u have to laugh about it, coz it's either that or get annoyed/angry/road rage, and that just leads no where or has dire consequences for everyone. I keep telling everyone in Aus who complain about the SL roads - there is a system, and you go with the flow, and getting mad/annoyed is the worst thing you can do... coz really no one else cares

It takes me about 3-4 days just to get my mind adapted to the SL roads, but after that I'm fine! It's becoming worse in Melbourne.. with a couple of guys around our neck of the woods (south eastern suburbs) having had guns pulled on them for not getting out of the way when driving at the speed limit!

oh yeah...

I remember when i started driving... wanted to follow all the rules and regs and be a decent chap on the road...

But you get heavily out numbered by morons and you will be a complete looser cos very few others give a damn about any of that...

Now i've learnt to be a bit of an a$$ so that others don't push themselves too much...

Like i rarely give a chance for those buggers who come from the wrong lane at traffic lights etc and try to cut into you... Once had to knock one of those fools mirror also to make the point

Overtaking on the left was a big no for me as i started out but had to learn the hard way that most slow moving buggers love to hog the right lane so left was the only way to go although it's a lot risky...

Sometimes do honk and flash extensively to "force" slow moving buggers to give way cos a polite "peep" won't do em any good...

It's a long list but i think sadly... it's very difficult to drive "properly" in SL... Unless of course you're a zen master or summin like that and have limitless patience

[Devinda_Z]

have limitless patience

i.e be a doormat

[jehan80]

who does this guy thinks we are?....indians?

anyway i do not like it when foreighners critisize us,specially people who come from the so called rich countries...we do have our faults...but if sri lanka is such a death-trap don't come here.

Hehehe C'mon, this is written in a light vein...

As the joker said in Batman "Why so serious...? "

Edited February 13, 2009 by jehan80

[Ripper]

Hehehe C'mon, this is written in a light vein...

As the joker said in Batman "Why so serious...? "

oh yeah... love that line :)

[Pericles]

Ah, road rage .... I was feeling it this morning. Moronic pedestrians running around the road like headless chickens when the damn lights are green.

BTW, they really need to reprogram the interval the lights change at at Nugegoda Junc, since that flyover is operational. Anyone know anyone who can suggest that to someone?

[Ripper]

Ah, road rage .... I was feeling it this morning. Moronic pedestrians running around the road like headless chickens when the damn lights are green.

BTW, they really need to reprogram the interval the lights change at at Nugegoda Junc, since that flyover is operational. Anyone know anyone who can suggest that to someone?

he he

those pedestrians are a bloody nuisance... when the bloody light is red we can't move...when it's green, still we can't move cos morons are crossing the road like taking a cool stroll in a park...

The lights near hsbc HQ and the other passing that when you come towards fort cop shed is where i get caught usually...

Even bloody coppers walk across the crossing when the light is red for them

if the road is clear what a usually do is hammer ahead with lights on, horn blasting and a little bit of quick left right turns as if i'm outta control...damn park strollers run amok in quite interesting ways :)

bloody hillarious :)

These pedestrian buggers defy the red light/no walking sign even when there's a gona atop a horse supposedly there to control all that stuff

If we run a light in front of the coppers it's a ticket...when pedestrians does it they go scott free

[Pericles]

Yeah, and its a pity too, coz I was in a good mood as I actually found a decent traffic cop who wasn't creating a clusterf!!! of traffic at Dehiwela junc, and he made two morons who got into the wrong lane go up Hill Street instead of down Galle Road like they wanted. You know the guys who get on the turning lane and don't turn causing cars behind them to miss the green light? And then he let me go thru as soon as the road cleared too.

[Devinda_Z]

he he

those pedestrians are a bloody nuisance... when the bloody light is red we can't move...when it's green, still we can't move cos morons are crossing the road like taking a cool stroll in a park...

The lights near hsbc HQ and the other passing that when you come towards fort cop shed is where i get caught usually...

Even bloody coppers walk across the crossing when the light is red for them

if the road is clear what a usually do is hammer ahead with lights on, horn blasting and a little bit of quick left right turns as if i'm outta control...damn park strollers run amok in quite interesting ways :)

bloody hillarious :)

These pedestrian buggers defy the red light/no walking sign even when there's a gona atop a horse supposedly there to control all that stuff

If we run a light in front of the coppers it's a ticket...when pedestrians does it they go scott free

was just reading this months motor mag which had all these issues highlighted!

[JadeyBlitzen]

he he

those pedestrians are a bloody nuisance... when the bloody light is red we can't move...when it's green, still we can't move cos morons are crossing the road like taking a cool stroll in a park...

The lights near hsbc HQ and the other passing that when you come towards fort cop shed is where i get caught usually...

Even bloody coppers walk across the crossing when the light is red for them

if the road is clear what a usually do is hammer ahead with lights on, horn blasting and a little bit of quick left right turns as if i'm outta control...damn park strollers run amok in quite interesting ways :)

bloody hillarious :)

These pedestrian buggers defy the red light/no walking sign even when there's a gona atop a horse supposedly there to control all that stuff

If we run a light in front of the coppers it's a ticket...when pedestrians does it they go scott free

they sure have some interesting running styles

i remember many moons back i was next to this sti and he was really eager to get out of this traffic jam and drive away. we came to this junction and he turned into the by road wheels spinning and the flat four growling. there was a guy crossing the road leisurely about 100 meters up ahead cos there was a lot of distance between him and the rest of the traffic. the sti reached this guy so quickly he almost fell over trying to leg it

[Devinda_Z]

got cut up by a Leyland and lo & behold guss what i saw on the back of the bus?!

AUTOLANKA.COM !

[Saturn]

Ah, road rage .... I was feeling it this morning. Moronic pedestrians running around the road like headless chickens when the damn lights are green.

BTW, they really need to reprogram the interval the lights change at at Nugegoda Junc, since that flyover is operational. Anyone know anyone who can suggest that to someone?

Hey take that back! Headless chicken are smarter

Speaking of road rage, I saw something I haven't ever seen happen in 5 years driving here - a cop pulling over a bus. What made this even sweeter is that the bus guy had tried to run over me (though not the reason he was pulled over). I was so stunned I wanted to pull over and ask why... Well I've seen a lot but this really surprised me..

Edited February 13, 2009 by Saturn

[MADZ]

got cut up by a Leyland and lo & behold guss what i saw on the back of the bus?!

AUTOLANKA.COM !

[Devinda_Z]

Hey take that back! Headless chicken are smarter

Speaking of road rage, I saw something I haven't ever seen happen in 5 years driving here - a cop pulling over a bus. What made this even sweeter is that the bus guy had tried to run over me (though not the reason he was pulled over). I was so stunned I wanted to pull over and ask why... Well I've seen a lot but this really surprised me..

hmmm it is Valentines day n all that...

some odd ball love triangle gone bad perhaps?

phooey

...right...thats my cue to get some shut eye..when one types out crud like that , its usually time to stop typing - period!

but its high time someone stopped them! 4 private coaches came at me head on (all on the wrong side of the road , if itsn't obvious enough or a given) in the space of 10 minutes over a 2-3 km journey!

& just day before had one a$swipe hit my side mirror , knock it in and keep on going! :@